Myself.

Tomorrow I have a self/peer assessment task to do for my Guidance and Counselling paper at uni, and I'm actually scared. It's a bit pathetic really, because it will just be a simple task where we employ some counselling skills that we've learned in the course and then our small groups will grade us, probably more generously than we deserve, judging on past experience. But for me, the idea of role playing is terrifying. The thought of it makes me feel sick. I am an incredibly introverted person, whether it's always obvious or not, and I always tense up when a teacher or lecturer says "get into groups and..." because I hate the pressure. The reality is, though, once I'm in the group and doing the task, it's always perfectly fine. It's just the thought and the initiating that I can't handle. I often even find myself taking a leadership role and helping keep the group on task!
Despite my fear of meeting new people and trying new things, I also actually love it. It's almost like the challenge brings some kind of rush. I always seem to find myself in challenging situations, and I get myself into them because the adventure of it all excites me. For example, all the overseas travelling I've done, and often by myself. I always know it's going to be tough, but I also know that it will be great and that I'll learn and experience a lot. It's amazing what God can do in and through you when something's too hard to do by yourself as well.
I've experienced a lot of different things in the past ten years especially, and now I find myself half way through my second year of full time study on this particular degree, having lived in the same house for a while, and it's kind of a weird feeling. There are of course, so many things I still want to see and do in the world, but for now it's almost like I'm ready to settle down or something. Haha, slight problem there... lack of someone to settle down with!
Well, that thought pattern went in an interesting direction...
That's all for now!

Forgive

Forgiveness. It's hard to do. Especially when there's an ongoing cycle of being lied to or bad-mouthed or used and abused again and again by the same person or group of people. But, in order to go on with life in a healthy state of mind and to restore a right relationship with God, it has to be done! Often it takes time to be able to bring yourself to a point where you can forgive, but when you get there it is so freeing. Being stuck in this kind of cycle of hurt is really tough and it can seem like there's no way out. But when you make it out the other side and look back, often they were times of growth and discovery and you learn things through them without even realising. I'm looking forward to looking back and learning whatever God can teach me.

Listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain...

I'm house sitting at the moment and the rain sounds amazing on the roof here. Wish it would rain for longer than a few minutes at a time! Although I am also enjoying the summer-like weather we've been blessed with lately. Glorious. Well, enough about the weather. And now for something a little different.
I love this song...

Rest, by Nevertheless
Hey where have you been?
Where did you go? Looking for innocence?
Shame is holding you down, selling you out, won't you come back again?

'Cause you've found a way to go on for days, pretending to live
But you are not ok, with all of that weight, you need to give up

Come now just let it go, let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul 'til there's nothing left
Won't you come to me and rest?

Hey I know that you're scared to look in my eyes,
When you know that something's wrong
I'll wait as long as it takes, for you to find grace, it's been here all along

'Cause you've found a way to go on for days, pretending to live
But you are not ok, with all of that weight, you need to give up

Come now just let it go, let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul 'til there's nothing left
Won't you come to me as you are

Dirty and broken with all of the scars, from all the unspoken
With all the words that you wanted to say but you locked them away inside

Come now just let it go, let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul 'til there's nothing left
Come now just let it go, let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul 'til there's nothing left
Won't you come to me and rest?

Factitious Disorders

So, I'm actually in a lecture about substance abuse in adolescents, but somehow found myself reading this website about Factitious Disorders (http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/factitious_disorders/hic_an_overview_of_factitious_disorders.aspx).
Here are some interesting snippets...

What are factitious disorders?

Mental illness describes abnormal cognitive or emotional patterns related to how a person thinks, feels, acts, and/or relates to others and his or her surroundings. Factitious disorders are mental disorders in which a person acts as if he or she has a physical or mental illness when, in fact, he or she has consciously created his or her symptoms. (The name factitious comes from the Latin word for "artificial.")

People with factitious disorders deliberately create or exaggerate symptoms of an illness in several ways. They may lie about or mimic symptoms, hurt themselves to bring on symptoms, or alter diagnostic tests (such as contaminating a urine sample). People with factitious disorders have an inner need to be seen as ill or injured, but not to achieve a concrete benefit, such as a financial gain. People with factitious disorders are even willing to undergo painful or risky tests and operations in order to obtain the sympathy and special attention given to people who are truly ill. Factitious disorders are considered mental illnesses because they are associated with severe emotional difficulties.

Many people with factitious disorders also suffer from other mental disorders, particularly personality disorders. People with personality disorders have long-standing patterns of thinking and acting that differ from what society considers usual or normal. People with personality disorders generally also have poor coping skills and problems forming healthy relationships.

Factitious disorder with mostly physical symptoms — People with this disorder claim to have symptoms related to a physical illness--symptoms such as chest pain, stomach problems, or fever. This disorder is sometimes referred to as Munchausen syndrome, named for Baron von Munchausen, an 18th century German officer who was known for embellishing the stories of his life and experiences.NOTE: Although Munchausen syndrome most properly refers to a factitious disorder with physical symptoms, the term is sometimes used to refer to factitious disorders in general.

Factitious disorder with both psychological and physical symptoms — People with this disorder report symptoms of both physical and mental illness.

What are the symptoms of factitious disorders?

Possible warning signs of factitious disorders include the following:

• Dramatic but inconsistent medical history
• Unclear symptoms that are not controllable, become more severe, or change once treatment has begun
• Predictable relapses following improvement in the condition
• Extensive knowledge of hospitals and/or medical terminology, as well as the textbook descriptions of illness
• Presence of many surgical scars
• Appearance of new or additional symptoms following negative test results
• Presence of symptoms only when the patient is alone or not being observed
• Willingness or eagerness to have medical tests, operations, or other procedures
• History of seeking treatment at many hospitals, clinics, and doctors’ offices, possibly even in different cities
• Reluctance by the patient to allow health care professionals to meet with or talk to family members, friends, and prior health care providers

Is it terrible to suspect someone of having one of these?

Get it together, Vic Uni!

Just heard from our lecturer that he may be made redundant next week! Now, this would be fine if he was one of those useless lecturers that just blab from the front of the class and think of themself as being superior to everyone else in the room. But, he's not. He's the best lecturer/tutor I've had in all my years of tertiary study. Not only does he use extremely comprehensive and well researched slides in his lectures, but he is hilarious, very down to earth, has extensive experience in the areas he teaches about, and does all that he can to help his students pass his courses. He also has the largest workload of anyone in the education faculty and drives all the way from Levin to Wellington for work each day! The university as an institution and the students will lose a lot if he loses his job.
The reason given by the university is that he's not involved in enough research and is not publishing 4 journal articles each year. Personally I think it's much better that he's spending his time being the amazing lecturer that he is, rather than doing research. And I think anyone whose been in any of his classes would agree. We pay fees to be educated well, not for our lecturers to write articles for external publications.
Sort out your priorities Victoria University!
And that's my rant. And a bit of a tribute to Chris Bowden.

Oh, the drama!

 Found a bunch of fascinating pieces on people who create drama in their lives... here's one...

Recognizing the Drama Kings and Queens in Your Life - by Lisa Whatley - October 2005

We all have drama kings and queens in our lives. You know who they are! These are the people that enjoy creating drama or chaos. They thrive on stirring up conflict, adding fuel to the fire. They are in our families, they are in our friendships and they are in our workplaces. These are people that seek excitement and attention by playing the lead role in drama or what I like to call ‘me-ism.’ Have you ever noticed how the drama king or queen is always the focal point, playing the victim? You did this to ME! This happened to ME! It is YOUR fault! Poor ME! You have seen this before. We all have. The man in the restaurant who doesn’t get the right order and proceeds to get so loud that the entire restaurant notices, or the lady at the check out counter who is impatient and rude to the clerk because he is a new employee learning to run the cash register and is having a slow day, or the lovely mother-in-law that blows everything out of proportion so that she has some adventure in her life. The list of drama tactics is literally endless! The good news is, we all have choice. We do not have to play their games, to be sucked into their drama, their ‘me-isms.’

After you have been working so hard to lessen the drama in your life by creating peacefulness and calm, drama is very noticeable. It actually becomes very uncomfortable to be in the same space with dramatic people. You have to make a choice on whether you want to participate in the drama that is being created or be the silent observer. Being the silent observer means simply that. Observe without attaching any emotion to the situation. This is very difficult especially if it is coming from family members or loved ones. It is even more difficult when you are the object of the drama! Remember the one creating the drama is really projecting “it is all about ME." In order not to be involved in their drama, one must consciously remember to not add fuel to their fire. Let them talk, rant, rave, blame or whatever they are projecting onto you, as ‘their’ silent observer. Remember this is THEIR stage, this is their play. They will try their best to suck you in by blaming you, it’s YOUR fault etc. Stand tall, holding your ground and listen. Just listen. No words. Listen. They will bait you by saying something about you, it will feel like a personal attack. That is what they are looking for, for you to play their game, for you to jump onto their stage and attack back! When you listen without adding any comments, what you are really doing is putting water on their fire. You see if you don’t add the fuel, there is no longer a fire! They have nothing to create drama with because there are no players! Drama kings and queens need players. They need fellow actors and actresses in order to play their lead role. By you choosing not to participate, they will have nothing to continue creating drama with. They will in all likelihood stop the drama and move onto another topic. It may however, be gossiping about someone but we can’t expect two miracles in one day! Drama people also create drama by using the poor me pity me routine. Again, this is all ‘me-isms.’ They will draw you into their ‘sad’ stories. They will not likely be attacking you, but they are looking for their fuel. They are looking for their fix. If you again simply listen with compassion as their silent observer, they will not get what they are looking for. One of two things will happen. They will look for someone else for their fix, or you will have empowered them to dig deep into the core of their own being for their own self-empowerment.

The Silent Observer…listens with compassion, changes the energy and brings peacefulness and calm into the situation. Are you a Peace Maker or a Me-ism? It’s only a choice, which do you choose?

© Copyright 2004-5 Lisa Whatley http://www.InfinityLightHealing.com You may share this information in it’s entirety with others freely, provided that this notice is included. You are free to copy, distribute, display, and perform the work under the following conditions: You must give the author credit, you may not use this for commercial purposes, and you may not alter, transform or build upon this work. For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to others the license terms of this work. Any of these conditions can be waived if you get permission from the copyright holder. Any other purpose of use must be granted permission by author.

Release them!

I was just listening to a podcast of a church service in which the preacher was talking about building people up then releasing them into the world to overcome giants, to face trials, and to grow. He then went on to say that this is what parents need to be doing for their children, rather than holding on to them because they're either scared they'll fail or that they'll succeed and do better than the parents! If you release them then they will come home.
I am so very grateful and thankful to my parents for helping me to do just that. Encouraging me to take off to America when I was 18, and letting me do it on my own and my own way, was the best thing they could've done. It was during this time, and subsequent trips, that I learned so much about the world, about people and about God. My parents probably knew that it would help me grow up and become more independent and capable, but I don't think they would've thought about the ways in which it made me come to rely on God in a whole new and lasting way. I wouldn't be the person today if it weren't for all of this. And it's true that by releasing me into the world they caused me to want to come home.
I may as well make this an official tribute to my parents and say "thanks Mum and Dad, you're amazing!"

Ok, so apparently my page layout means part of the guitar's arm gets cut off and 
you can't see some of the amazing fingering going on. If this is a problem, follow 
the link to the RELEVANT website for the original. Peace.


http://www.relevantmagazine.com/media/rtv/music-videos/watch/516/doxology

The problem with doing Religious Studies at university is that when I'm researching for essays, I always find interesting stuff to read that distracts me from my research!
Here's a wee snippet...
(from The Crucified God, by Jurgen Moltmann)

"It is true that faith lives by the anticipation of the kingdom through and in Jesus. But this is not a spiritualisation or individualisation of real salvation. Nor is it an enclave of redemption in an unredeemed world. Nor is faith a redeemed soul which still regards the unredeemed world with indifference. It is the eschatological anticipation of redemption, an anticipation through and in one who was the outcast, rejected and crucified. The memory of the crucified anticipator of the kingdom makes impossible for a Christian any spiritualisation or individualisation of salvation, and any resigned acceptance of participation in an unredeemed world."
"In view of the misery of the creation, the fact that the atonement is already accomplished, although its struggle continues, is incomprehensible without the future of the redemption of the body and of the peace which brings the struggle to an end."