Current annoyances... (Sometimes these lists just have to be made, I'm sorry)

-When people don't reply to text messages, emails, whatever.
-When you're talking to someone but they're distracted or just drift off.
-When people leave dishes on the bench with teabags or other rubbish or food on/in them.
-When people drive badly.
-When people say they're going to do something and then don't.
-When people run other people down (not physically, like with a car, but with their words).
-When I'm just enjoying life and then start thinking about how much uni work I could be doing at that moment and it makes me feel sick to the stomach.
-When I'm really tired and yet I don't go to bed. Or I do, but then I can't sleep. Ugh.
-When I suck at being sociable.
-When people ask me what I'm going to do for the second half of the year, or next year.
-When parents make life extra difficult for their kids and I have to watch it happen.
-When Australians are commentating netball games I want to watch.
-When people have the TV on all day, just watching whatever's on, for the sake of it.

OK, so maybe annoyance isn't the right word to cover all of those things, but you get the idea. Who knows... maybe one day I'll write a list of all the good/great/fabulous things in my life. Like spending all afternoon at the beach on Friday with 2 special kids, throwing rocks, taking pictures and enjoying the sunshine... or getting to celebrate my nana's 90th birthday today with family and friends... Yeah, maybe one day I'll write a blog about that.

Hi, I'm Natalie, and I'm a nail-biter

I recently "stopped" biting my nails. Nail biting has been a twenty year habit for me, and I've discovered it's a bit like alcoholism. My nails are the longest they've ever been (with the exception of one of my thumb nails which I recently destroyed in a moment of weakness), but it's not easy keeping them that way. In the past, people would exclaim, "wow, look at your nails! Don't they hurt?" or "how do you bite them so low?" because they really were terrible. But I didn't really care. People always told me how much of a bad habit it was and all that, but for me it was just who I was, and I couldn't stop myself biting or picking away at my nails. Sure, there were situations that made it worse- boredom, anxiety, stress- but it really was a constant thing.
And now I've stopped. But I don't know why. Or how. A while ago I decided I'd try out wearing glue-on nails, partly because I was going to be a bridesmaid, and partly just out of curiosity. This was fun. It was hard to get used to, but I began to enjoy having long nails. They made my hands look completely different, and I'd find myself just stroking my nails because I liked how they felt. It became quite a challenge though, when the nails came off every now and then and I'd have to quickly glue them back on before I bit off the real nail underneath.
So, this wearing of fake nails helped me begin my quest to stop biting my nails, but I'm not sure why I've been able to keep it up (almost) now that they're all my own nails. I now get people exclaiming, "I love the colour of your nail polish" (because I have to wear nail polish as a deterrent to keep me from regressing into old habits!) or "wow, look how long your pinky nail is!" and those are much more uplifting and affirming comments to be receiving.
But bringing it all back to how it's very similar to being an alcoholic... I have my weak moments. It's hard work breaking a twenty year habit, and while I'm proud of what I've achieved, I could easily fall of the wagon. I still find myself drawn to picking or biting without even realising, and sometimes it's too late and the nail's gone. But, I'm trying. And I'm enjoying having nails. Never thought I would. But I am.
If you see me biting or picking at my nails, please tell me to stop. In the past I wouldn't have liked you saying anything, but now I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

So important to remember...

Grace Conquers Bitterness

By Andrew Schwab

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Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
   James 2:12-13 NIV

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ONCE WE BEGIN looking to other humans to meet our needs for security, peace, wholeness and repair we will inevitably be let down. Broken people cannot mend broken people.

Knowing this is the first step to having grace for others.

Grace for other humans is the key to healing from our wounds, as well. It realigns our priorities, and puts people back in the proper place in our hearts. When we realize that humans  are not our providers, healers, or redeemers, then we are freed from much of our pain. The sting of hurt is disarmed. This is why grace for others is so important--it exists not only for the one receiving, but for the one giving.

Accept that humans are just that—human. Accept that the church is flawed. And resist the urge to ever place people in higher regard than they deserve. In this, you will find empathy for the mistakes of others—others who are trying to find their way in this fallen world, just like you.

Vulnerability

I'm not very good at opening myself up and being vulnerable.
I'd like to be better at it.

I try.

I really do.
And yet it takes more than just effort from me.
Sometimes I can only give so much.
But I guess I'll just keep on keeping on.
Because you're important to me.

On another note, fakeness and approval seeking... ugh.

I hate writing cryptic emo blog posts. But sometimes it's just gotta be done.
Deal.