Dreams

I have been challenged this week, by several influential people in my life, about what my dreams are for the future. Now that I've completed my degree and am in this period of limbo leading into transition, this is something I get asked a lot. The problem is, I don't have an answer to this question. As I've been thinking about it, I've realised that the only real dream I've had for a while now is to be a parent and a foster parent. I don't have a career dream. However, for several reasons, this would be very difficult on my own. Then, this lack of husband situation leads to a couple of other things:
- I have endometriosis and I am 27 years old. The chances of getting pregnant beyond the age of 27 for someone with endometriosis are somewhat slim. I find myself bawling my eyes out just as I type this fact. I know that anything is possible with God, but still the medical science factor weighs on my mind.
- This leads into the idea of God having a plan for our lives versus God blessing and honouring our dreams. I know he's in control. But not knowing what the purpose of these dreams are if they only cause me distress the longer they go unfulfilled is tough.
- Then there's the fact that everyone around me is married, in a relationship, or heading that way, and this only makes me feel worse about myself. Of course I'm happy for them, and love knowing that they're happy. But I'd also like a tiny bit of that happiness for myself for a change. I know that I'm not alone in feeling like this, but for a long time I was happy doing my own thing and enjoying independent life, so now I fully understand what it's like to be on the other side of the coin. It's shit.
Everyday I turn my anxieties, dreams and insecurities over to God. And I trust him with my future. I really do. I'd just love a little reassurance that I have these dreams for a reason, and that my life in this current state of limbo really does have some purpose.