Anne Jackson

I don't know her. But I like her honesty and how genuine she is. This is her latest blog post... The Slow and Inefficient Work of God (Part 2). I love it how you read about things around the same time you're thinking on the same topic, and they help you confirm your thinking. I'm also loving blogging at the end of the day at the moment, because it's a way of processing things and helping me get things out or realign my thinking before I go to sleep. I've recently struggled pretty badly with depression and anxiety (that's a whole other story that I'll get to another day!!), and it felt like there was absolutely no way out. There were small glimmers of hope that quickly fizzled out. When I even acknowledged God's presence, I was just crying out to him to help me stop feeling like that, and dwelling on all the bad stuff that was going on. Recently I've turned a bit of a corner, have made an attitude change, and feel like I'm on the up, but it's a very slow process that threatens to backslide at any moment. The last bit of Anne Jackson's most recent blog post really resonated with me and this topic as I read it tonight, and these are her words:

I thought about my heart. It’s crag-like and rough. If you were to walk on it, there are sharp edges that would cut your feet. I want God to change my heart. Now. I want him to take away my impatience, my entitlement to not feel lonely sometimes, the way I can impose on others. Take it away, God. Now?

He gently says no as one, single wave of his grace washes over.

And then another.

And then another.

I could move my heart farther from the ocean and let it live untouched and unbothered by this seemingly unproductive task. I could build a dam around it and not let the waters in. Or I could simply sit and let the waters of grace slowly, moment by moment, smooth my heart out.